Chapter 16: So much for Hakuna Matata

A sharp - edged wind scurried aimlessly about the dank street, mercilessly forcing dry leaves and discarded papers along in its wake. It seized Sigma's blood red cloak with icy hands and spitefully made it snap sharply. Sigma sighed.

"Hunters, fall in. Let's see how badly we screwed up THIS time."

As if on cue, hoards of pain - racked figures stumbled towards their stern leader. A draconian form was amoung these. Red. One of the very few unscathed. She sauntered over to Sigma and delivered him a tremendous smack on the back that was intended to be affectionate.

"Hey, Siggy! Hooo man!" She laughed crazily. "You wanna see screw ups? Just look around you!"

To underscore her point, Red scanned a gleaming claw over the pack of Hunters before her. Ninety percent of them appeared to be in some stage of hurt.

"And that's not even the tip of the iceberg!" Red giggled, which improved Sigma's mood none. "Lookit over there."

Sigma turned towards where Red motioned. He blanched slightly at the sight he was met with.

"Oy vay." The Spartan sighed. "We've had ourselves QUITE the time."

Sigma was looking directly at Paul Wells. The Night Viper was being supported by two fellow unit members. The young leader appeared dazed and was bleeding out of one ear.

Sigma did not allow any concern seep into his voice. "Will he be all right?"

Red shrugged her leathery wings. "Sure, and I don't know. Just a very nasty crack upside the head. He'll be fine with some rest, which is a bit more than I can say for the rest of us. Skysheen and I are all right, but do you have any idea how many of our Regal Dragons we lost in today's hunt? Sky's going nuts tending to 'em. Paul also lost some good fighters in his unit, too." Red lowered her guttural voice. "Lately, the Mavericks have seemed to dramatically increase in number, skill, and organization. It used to be so easy to take 'em down and reclaim territory, but now we're fighting for our lives every time we hunt. This ain't no good, Siggy!"

"Tell me about it. And next time you call me 'Siggy', I'll personally rip your arm out of its socket and beat you over the head with it."

Sigma was lecturing empty air, however. Red had taken off as noisily as a night shadow.


Red fanned her wings out to full length, allowing them to drink the cold, dark air currents that suspend her lithe form in the chilly air. She soared over building rooftops which no human eye could ever detect in the ebony darkness, but she could see perfectly well with her gift of nightvision. The reptilian huntress' speed did not falter: Red had a certain destination in mind.

"Almost there!" she sang out to herself as her greenish filtered eyes roved the familiar rooftops that guided her towards her goal. "Tra la la. I love life. Whoops, here we are...!"

Red dropped herself onto the rooftop of a nondescript triplex as silently as a feather. Expertly, she peeked over the edge of the roof without being seen. As she did so, a wild hope flared up within her like the persistent flame on a newly lit candle. She had found what she was looking for!

Crammed in a fairly small alley below her were several of the Mavericks the Hunters had taken out just moments ago. Although the Hunters had suffered quite a few losses on their side, the Mavericks themselves didn't exactly escape rent - free. They, too, had some severe damages. They had obviously gathered in the alley to - literally - pull themselves back together. Red's intention was to heard one of the crippled fighters off to the side for some 'questioning'.

And her chance came very soon. One of the Mavericks, a male werewolf - type reploid, made the mistake of limping out of the alley by his lonesome self. As soon as Red was satisfied that he was far enough from his comrades, she leapt on the wolf as silently as a cat, but with the breakneck force of a wild lightning bolt. The werewolf didn't even have time to yelp. Before he could grasp what was happening, the Maverick found himself lying dazed on his back with the sharp end of a lethal lance prodding ever so slightly on his exposed neck. However, due to his akward position, he could see little beyond the trim silver cylinder that held him in thrall.

"Hullo!" A cool yet familiar female voice chirped cheerfully from above him. "No noise, otherwise...heh...'poke poke'!" The tapered end of the lance dug into the wolf's neck just a tiny bit more with these last words. He was at a loss.

"Who are you?" The Maverick snarled weakly.

"Jo' momma. Oooo, that was good! Chalk one up for me." The unseen voice tittered. "Well, never you mind. I think the real question is...WHO are YOU? And before you decide to mouth off, remember who's at the business end of my happy little lance."

"All right. Fine. My name's Maugrim."

"Ooh. Scary name." the voice commented sarcastically with a snort. "I have a few questions to ask ye, if you don't mind."

"You're a Hunter, aren't you?" Maugrim bristled.

"Kinda! But just tell me what I want to know. Where are the Mavericks planning their next big attack?"

"Why should I tell YOU?"

"Well, just because the necks of Mavericks make the cutest little 'squish' noise when they're skewered with sharp objects..." the voice commented casually as the poised lance nudged Maugrim's neck almost playfully.

"All RIGHT." Maugrim hissed, summoning every ounce of his will to keep his voice devoid of the nervousness that squeezed his heart. "Our next attack is at Torrisham Crossings in two days."

"My. That's quite a big attack. That neighbourhood is densely populated."

A grin crossed Maugrim's jet black snout. "That's right. It's a big area, and the Mavericks want it for their own territory. So, Hunter, go ahead and try to evacuate the humans that live there. We don't care one way or another. But be warned: any human that remains in the neighbourhood after we storm it gets killed. No questions asked."

"How friendly, not to mention neighbourly. Thanks to this little talk we had, I'm afraid you won't get the satisfaction of offing any humans during your invasion. I'll be going now. Thank you kindly for your cooperation." The looming point of the lance receeded.

Maugrim squirmed and pulled himself into a sitting position. "Wait a sec. Let me get a look at you."

Smiling sweetly, Red dropped down to one knee so that she was eye level with Maugrim.

Maugrim flew into a rage. "NOW I know you! You're the leader of the Regal Dragons! I just saw you tonight during the fight!...Red...Red...somethin' or other..."

"Red Draco, reploid 72081 of the Mechadrake breed. It's glad to know ya!" As she uttered this greeting, Red swung the sleek handle of her lance and whacked Maugrim upside the head.

Maugrim yelped shamelessly as he clutched his sore skull and attempted to stagger to his feet and retaliate. But Red had already disappeared with a whirr of crimson wings.

Maugrim's ears rang insanely. His blood pounded in his head like a sledgehammer.

"I know you can still hear me, Hunter!" he roared, temporarily drowning out the high - pitched singing in his head. "Sure, go ahead and run! Badmouth the Mavericks' skills all you please. But very soon, you and the humans will have good reason to fear us. Why, you ask? Torrent Leviathan. That's all I need to say!"

Seething, Maugrim stormed back to rejoin his injured cohorts.


"Hmmm....interesting." Zero mused as he stared at the office ceiling above him.

X, seated in a chair next to Zero, threw a poisonous glance at his new nemesis. "What?"

"Cain's ceiling. Weird structure." Zero pointed up towards the thick wooden planks that had slowly aged until they were the colour of old honey. "See, between each plank there's a crack. Watch this." Zero snatched a handful of rubber bands off of Cain's perfectly organized desk and, after propping his boots up on the desk as if he were lounging at home rather than being in the office of the respected head of MHHQ, he began to shoot the elastic bands at the ceiling, attempting to jam a few in the cracks. This outlandish behaviour nearly threw X into spasms.

"What're you doing?" he hissed ferociously. "Don't you know where you ARE? Cain might walk in at any second."

"I don't see old man Cain anywhere," Zero drawled, flicking yet another elastic band, "but when he comes in, I'll be sure to tell him that his office ceiling is as weird as hell. Hey cool, I got one of the elastics jammed! I'm so talented."

"Stop that!" X snarled.

"Okay, FINE," Zero sighed and began to fire the elastic bands at X instead. It was at that precise moment that Cain happened to walk into the room. He shook his head as he observed the two badly scratched - up reploids before him. One he recognized as X, of course, but he had no idea who the crimson reploid that was pelting X with elastic bands was...

"Oh, I can't wait to hear THIS one explained," Cain sighed as he hobbled over to the chair behind his desk and wearily seated himself in it. He fixed the long - haired reploid before him with a glare. "If you'll just give me back those elastic bands, please....thank you. Now, I don't believe we've ever been formally introduced. Would you mind telling me your name, please?"

"Zero," Zero said politely as he extended a hand. "I work with the Medical Unit. It's nice to meet you."

A smile tugged at Cain's beard. "My, such nice manners. I'm Dr. Cain, head of MHHQ."

"I know, sir." Zero said with proper awe. "I've heard all about you, but up until now, I'd never had the honour of meeting you."

"'Zero'." X echoed, his voice saturated with contempt. "So THAT'S the wishy - washy bastard's name."

Cain frowned at X disapprovingly. "Really, X! Please watch your mouth. Anyway, you two, A.G. and Hack have told me that there has been some...friction between you two. Obviously, we need to discuss things. X, why don't you tell me what happened?"

X pointed an accusing finger at Zero. "I was just minding my own business when 'Ponyboy' here starts up with me for no reason at all!"

"Uh...yes." Cain cleared his throat. "Zero? Why don't you tell me your side?"

"X is a murderer, sir." Zero explained gravely. "No legume is safe around him. I was quite shocked and appalled by his needless display of violence towards veggies and fruits."

Cain blinked. "X? Violence? These two words just don't seem to go together. I'm quite surprised that he even fought you."

"HE WAS BUGGING THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME! 'BRAVEHEART' STARTED IT! I JUST HIT BACK!" X shrieked defensively.

Zero pretended to look shocked at X's outburst, but deep down inside, he was laughing hysterically. He hadn't had this much fun since Bass pushed Slash Man down the stairs of Skull Castle all those years back.

Cain motioned for X calm down. "Cool it, X. I've never seen you this angry."

A hollow metallic sound rang through the office's tense air as X brought a fist down on Cain's desk, causing an empty coffee mug to actually jump. "I'm just WARMING UP! When I get my hands on..."

"That's ENOUGH!" Cain boomed so loudly that X was actually startled enough to stop his ranting. "Listen, X! It's hard enough to try keeping the reploids and humans from bickering with each other in this building. I DON'T need hassles with reploids fighting amoungst themselves. Do I make myself clear?"

"Uh...yes, sir."

"Good. X, I don't know what you're so worked up about. Zero seems to be a polite reploid with fine manners. I'm afraid I find it impossible to believe he would start any trouble."

X made a small noise that was something between a laugh and a scream.

"In fact," Cain continued, "I'd like you to stick with him for the day. Get to know him better. It would be nice if you picked up some of his good habits."

This time, X really DID scream.

"Thank you, sir." Zero said sincerely to Cain. "By doing this for X, I believe that you seized the wheel on his slow boat to complete insanity. I'll look after him."

Cain's eyes suddenly flicked towards X, who had silently moved behind Zero. "X, put down that hammer," Cain commanded sternly. "no blood on the new carpet."


"Oh man. I can't believe the way you lied in there. I just CAN'T." X pouted. "The things you said about me...and then Cain sticks me with YOU...it's just not FAIR!"

"Poor X. It just isn't your day." Zero remarked as he continued down the hall towards the Medical Unit. "I'll tell you this much, friend. Stay near me and behave yourself or I'll tell Cain that you were acting up. And then, my word! you'll catch it."

Zero's wrist commlink bleeped impatiently. Sighing, he switched it on. "Yeah, what now?"

"Zero? March your ass back to the Medical Unit this instant. And I mean NOW." Genesis' static drowned voice insisted.

"What's the rush?" Zero asked cautiously. "Are you gonna get me to wash syringes again...? Because, by the Almighty Tuesday, I HATE doing that..."

"No, Zero. This is much more important. Put it this way: the Hunters came back, and not too many of 'em are in one piece."

"Oh. Happy happy joy joy. Well, I'm on my way. And I'm bringing a friend!"

"Great," Genesis snapped. "a friend. I'll go bake some bleedin' cookies and pour the frackin' milk. If you're not here in three minutes, I'll shoot your dog...if ya got one, that is." With that, Genesis cut the line.

"He thinks he's so damn big." Zero grunted as he shut off his commlink. "Well, come on X. Medical Unit, ho!"


"Holy bloodbath, Batman!" Zero remarked, awed. Things were always a bit bloody when the Hunters returned from a mission, but he hadn't quite been prepared for gruesome sight that hit him in the face when he entered the infirmary. Hunters everywhere. Bashed, dented, broken, gashed...name any injury, and it was on at least one of the Hunters. Screams and cries of pain riddled the area. The little help that Genesis possessed in the Unit ran themselves almost to death, trying to tend to those who needed it. Beside Zero, X's face had drained of all colour. He looked ready to fall over at any minute. Zero, however, was not sickened at all. Quite the opposite. Never had he been met with such gore. The coppery smell of the wounded's blood filled his head and sang sweetly...it was a great feeling...

"Hey! Candy Cane! Over here, sugar!" A voice beckoned from the crowd. Zero snapped out of his trance in shock. What had just happened? Was that feeling triggered by the sight and smell of all that blood...?

"Hey, honeybunny...what's the matter?" That same voice inquired, now next to Zero. It was Red, of course. "I called out to you, and you looked sort of spaced out. You also had this kooky look on your face, like you were...uh...REALLY enjoying something."

Zero shook his head to clear it. "I'm fine." He mumbled. "Are you all right? It seems as if half your Unit is severely injured."

Red beamed with pride. "I'm jes' fine! Aren't you glad?"

"Er...yes." Zero smiled weakly and braced himself for Red to pounce on him and hug him to pieces. Surprisingly, it never happened. Rather, Red nodded towards X. "Howdy X. Nice to see you again."

X bobbed his he ad in acknowlagement. He was still too queasy to speak.

Red yawned (exposing rows of steel hard teeth), and leaned on her lance, facing Zero. "Got some news for you, pudding. The Mavericks are planning to attack Torrisham Crossings next. They wanna claim it for their own."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. Remember how I told you about that human Hunter, Jake, earlier? I think he lived there. But that's beside the point. The humans need to be evacuated..."

Zero thought that Red was hinting that his help was needed in the Hunter units after all. Wild hope flared in him. "So, you want me to evacuate the humans?"

Red shook her head. "Nup, Cain already assigned A.G. and Hack to evacuate 'em and bring them here."

Zero's jaw nearly hit the floor. "THOSE morons!? They'll probably lead the humans off of a cliff or something. Hell, they couldn't even put up a SHELF earlier."

Red giggled. "Well, that's all Cain could spare, really. Most of the Hunters are out with injuries. Even Paul."

"Paul!?" Zero said in alarm. "Is he all right?"

"I think so..."

Zero's voice started to rise. "Are you sure...?"

"Sure, he's just fine." Red said, surprised. "Why are you so worried 'bout him?"

"I...don't know." Zero was forced to admit. And, truthfully, he DIDN'T know why he was so worried about the Night Vipers' leader. When Red had mentioned that Paul had been harmed, some deep down protective instinct had fired up.

Red cocked her head at Zero. "Anyway, A.G. and Hack leave tonight to preform the evacuation."

"That's it." Zero said flatly. "If A.G. and Hack is the best Cain can do for a rescue mission, then I really belong with the Hunters. I'm tired of Mickey Mousing around. I'm sneaking after those two in case they need back up, which I'm SURE they will."

"Sounds like a plan!" Red smiled.

"Uh? You're coming with me?"

"Of course! Can't let my big boy hog all the glory and fun! Don't worry, Skysheen will stay with Genesis and help out the injured here. I think Genesis will be too busy to notice you've slipped away."

"Heh! Yeah, I'm not much help anyway."

X spoke up for the first time since Zero had entered the infirmary. "I can't believe what you two are plotting! You're forsaking your assigned duties to sneak out on a mission you weren't assigned to. I'm going to report to Cain."

Zero threw his arm around X's shoulders. "Nah, you won't be doing that. Cuz if you do, YOU'LL be reporting to THIS." Zero ignited his lightsabre and waved the pulsing, lime coloured blade right under X's nose. "Clear? You're coming with us."

X gulped an affirmative.

"Okay then, Red." Zero smiled. "I'm ready to go. I even have a few...supplies on me in case any humans are injured during the evacuation. I'm sooo practical!"

Red laughed and grabbed Zero's hand. "That you are, honeycake! Come